Maybe you’ve noticed it too. The greater effort we’re making, that is, as we return to socializing together comfortably again with friends and family.
Especially this holiday weekend, it’s worth taking a moment to ask what it’s like, to drink wine together again?
I’ve noticed, for example, that we’re dressing a little more carefully beforehand, to start. When there’s food involved, we’re spending a little more time preparing the meal. And we’re considering more thoughtfully the wine preferences of the people with whom we share our time.
Maybe you’ve noticed these things too about coming together again to socialize, as we emerge out of COVID’s restrictions around movement and gathering. The ironic pattern is that each of these experiences — dressing carefully, preparing the meal, considering the wine — happens before the time that we actually gather in the presence of other people.
At this particular moment, drinking wine together again seems to involve greater effort around getting ready to drink wine together again. We seem to be putting a premium on the preparation.
Why is that?
If we take a moment to consider the reasons, the easy explanations have to do with relief and anxiety. Relief, that is, that we’re increasingly able to interact again with others and enjoy all the benefits of social engagement, particularly when wine and food are involved. There may also be a low-grade anxiety about our social skills being a little rusty, so we spend more time than usual “getting ready.”
Here are a few more observations, and a few ideas too, as we transition back to drinking wine together again.
Alternatives to Wine as a Host/ess Gift
How much, or how little, wine we’ve drunk during COVID is a repeat topic of conversation in recent social gatherings. Some people went overboard and are now looking to recalibrate. Some people took the moderation approach, and renewed their appreciation for less-but-better glasses of wine. And some people are expressing interest in the growing popularity of low-alcohol or no-alcohol alternatives.
Maybe you aren’t sure where the other guests land on this spectrum of options, or maybe you do know where they land and it’s appropriate to bring something other than wine. In that case, I vote for flowers as a safe and gentle alternative. Another idea, to channel thoughtful friends who came for dinner (and wine), were toys for our dog. Last week I gave a book to a neighbor and we hugged for the first time, which brought tears to my eyes.
Flowers, dog toys and books may not have been in the host/ess gift conversation prior to COVID, but they have their place now as we re-familiarize ourselves with drinking wine together again.
Generosity
When gathering with friends these past few weeks, the theme of generosity has surfaced and expressed itself in multiple ways. Being generous with wine goes without saying, especially in terms of which bottles we choose to open. Fewer of them but better ones, I’ve noticed.
Generosity of time has also been apparent, as in the time it takes to cook a slow-cooking boeuf bourgignon or Moroccan lamb tagine. There is also something to be said for being a generous listener to the conversation, that is, taking the time to truly listen rather than just waiting for our turn to talk. After all this time apart, we each have a lot to say. But, hand in hand with that, there also seems to be a desire to absorb what others have to say as well.
Laughter
Laughter is a thread weaving its way through several of the topics I’ve already mentioned. It’s easier to find the humor in a situation, for example, when we’re listening generously. Laughter is also a release of tension, whether related to the relief of being able to gather again or to the anxiety over getting back in the groove of socializing. Laughter is, ultimately, the counterbalance to the sadness we’ve each inevitably experienced during COVID. It is, for me, the soundtrack of what it’s like to drink wine together again.